Welcome to the ultimate list of 765+ horrible puns that are so painfully bad, they circle back around to being absolutely hilarious.
If you’re looking for cheesy one-liners to drop at parties, cringe-worthy wordplay to annoy your friends, or simply want to brighten your day with jokes that are “so bad they’re good,” this list has you covered.
From classics to fresh new puns making waves online, these groan-inducing gems are trending, funny, and guaranteed to leave you both laughing and questioning your sense of humor!
Most Horrible Puns
- 😂 I’m reading a book about anti-gravity — it’s impossible to put down.
- 😂 I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
- 😂 The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- 😂 Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint.
- 😂 I’d tell you a construction pun… but I’m still working on it.
- 😂 A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it’s two-tired.
- 😂 I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, then it dawned on me.
- 😂 The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference.
- 😂 I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger — then it hit me.
- 😂 When the clock factory caught fire, all the workers tocked out.
- 😂 Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
- 😂 I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
- 😂 My friend’s bakery burned down. Now his business is toast.
- 😂 The calendar’s days are numbered.
- 😂 A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
- 😂 I once worked at a blanket factory, but it folded.
- 😂 I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
- 😂 Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.
Really Horrible Puns
- 🤢 I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
- 🤢 I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage, but I lost my case.
- 🤢 I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger — then it hit me.
- 🤢 I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport — I’m just doing it for kicks.
- 🤢 The man who fell into the upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
- 🤢 I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive.
- 🤢 I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.
- 🤢 The barber won the race because he took a short cut.
- 🤢 The bakery had to fire their pastry chef — he just wasn’t making enough dough.
- 🤢 I gave all my dead batteries away — they were free of charge.
- 🤢 I couldn’t figure out how to put my seatbelt on. Then it “clicked.”
- 🤢 The man who invented Velcro has died — RIP.
- 🤢 I once worked at a shoe recycling shop. It was sole-destroying.
- 🤢 I asked the dentist what time it was. He said, “Tooth-hurty.”
- 🤢 The baseball player got caught stealing… second base.
- 🤢 My friend didn’t believe I could make a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
- 🤢 I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough bread.
- 🤢 The fisherman was afraid of fishnets.
List of Horrible Puns
- 📜 The guy who invented knock-knock jokes won the “no-bell” prize.
- 📜 I used to hate puns, but then I found them pun-derful.
- 📜 The magician got so mad, he pulled his hare out.
- 📜 My friend quit his job at the helium gas factory — he refused to be spoken to in that tone.
- 📜 The coffee tasted like mud — it was ground just this morning.
- 📜 The scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
- 📜 My chemistry teacher told me I had potential… then she called me unstable.
- 📜 I told my computer I needed a break — now it won’t stop sending me KitKat ads.
- 📜 I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went — then it dawned on me.
- 📜 I told the baker I wanted to learn to make bread — he said, “You knead to try harder.”
- 📜 I asked my phone for a pun, but it gave me the silent treatment.
- 📜 The vacuum cleaner was just gathering dust.
- 📜 I’m terrible at math — but at least I’m good at adding to my problems.
- 📜 The chicken joined the band because it had drumsticks.
- 📜 I used to be a doctor, but I lost patience.
- 📜 The fish was shy because it was a little koi.
- 📜 My printer is angry — it just keeps giving me paper jams.
- 📜 I bought a boat because it was on sail.
Short Horrible Puns
- ⏳ Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
- ⏳ Lettuce turnip the beet.
- ⏳ Olive you so much.
- ⏳ Don’t go bacon my heart.
- ⏳ Don’t egg-nore me.
- ⏳ I loaf you.
- ⏳ I’m nacho average friend.
- ⏳ You’re one in a melon.
- ⏳ Life’s gouda with you.
- ⏳ Don’t kale my vibe.
- ⏳ You make miso happy.
- ⏳ I donut care.
- ⏳ Holy guacamole.
- ⏳ You’re shrimply the best.
- ⏳ Rice to meet you.
- ⏳ Peas be mine.
- ⏳ I’m soy into you.
- ⏳ What’s up, buttercup?
Horrible Puns That Are Funny
- 🤣 My pet rock ran away — it was boulder than I thought.
- 🤣 The skeleton didn’t fight — he didn’t have the guts.
- 🤣 My light bulb just burned out — it was a bright idea at the time.
- 🤣 I was going to look for my watch, but I could never find the time.
- 🤣 I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
- 🤣 The coffee shop is closed — they said it was grounds for termination.
- 🤣 I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory — all I did was take a day off.
- 🤣 I knew a guy who collected candy canes — they were all in mint condition.
- 🤣 My friend bought a boat — it cost him a few pier cents.
- 🤣 I’ve been reading a book on glue — I just can’t put it down.
- 🤣 The light went out, so I decided to brighten my day elsewhere.
- 🤣 I used to have a job as a professional cricket player — but I got bowled over.
- 🤣 The snowman got a promotion — he was outstanding in his field.
- 🤣 I told my shoes a joke — they were laced with laughter.
- 🤣 I asked my pillow if it was tired — it gave me a blank stare.
- 🤣 I stayed up all night studying puns — but I think I overdid it.
- 🤣 The banana went to the doctor — it wasn’t peeling well.
- 🤣 The mushroom was invited to all the parties — because he was a fungi.
Conclusion
Horrible puns are the perfect mix of cringe and comedy — so bad they circle back to being brilliant.
They’re an easy way to make people groan, laugh, or both at the same time. Whether you use them to lighten a conversation, break the ice, or just annoy.
your friends, these puns are guaranteed to make an impression. Now go forth and pun-ish the world.
